Pillow-talk Moments

Making space for a soulmate

I watch two lovers talking in bed. They speak in voices so soft, nearly whispers, like fingertips grazing against skin. Engrossed in the intimacy of their pillow talk, I don't say a word, afraid the husband and wife would hear me through the theater screen.

Why are these pillow-talk moments so moving? We keep telling love stories because love is ineffable. There’s no singular way to describe it. We cling to versions of love portrayed in movies, yet we search for a love that feels real and unique to us. 

“You make my life so much bigger,” the husband avows. In my periphery, I see my fiancé, the light from the screen dancing across the slope of his nose and the bow of his lips. The scene changes, bringing me back into the film we’re watching: Past Lives.

Love is not about looking for someone to fill a void. When you depend on someone to fill a void, you avoid yourself, which is to assume an emptiness within your being – that something is missing. Truly loving someone requires self-love, which is recognizing that your life is abundant and full on its own. By committing to a relationship, you make space for your lover. You expand your life by opening it up for someone else. 

When you step into each other’s spaces, your separate worlds come together. Two overlapping spheres –  one red, the other blue – create an intersection of violet. Together, you perceive the world through a spectrum of red, blue, and violet hues.

What does it mean to make space for a lover?

I assumed it meant sacrifice — to discard your needs and take up your lover’s. I now know, after being in a loving relationship, that making space isn’t a binary transaction. Making space is about rearranging your needs, like the furniture in your house. You push aside your frumpy ottoman to make room for your lover’s plush accent chair. The mismatch of furniture makes your shared home cozy and special. You rearrange your heart so your lover can co-inhabit the space of your being. 

Making space for a lover means you see and accept their whole being without judgment.  Your lover’s quirks and fears are a part of what makes them special to you. We develop our quirks and fears through our experiences of rejection, or in other words, not belonging. Making space for your lover is to say you belong — not in a possessive manner such as you belong with me, but rather, you belong here in this world as you are.  This romantic belonging feels like slipping under the warm covers. Arms wrap around your body, bundling you in layers of trust, comfort, and safety. 

Celestial Love

A friend once told me about the first time her husband kissed her: “He sucked the soul from my body.” Although I sensed what she meant, I know only she and her husband understand the full meaning of their pillow-talk moment.  I do know what it feels like for souls to collide like stars. When two souls first meet, I imagine them dancing around each other in an orbit of infatuation. Infatuation deepens into love, and the souls envelop one another, circling the same path together as time goes on. 

***

The movie ends, and my fiancé and I amble out of the theater. We clasp hands, the cool of his palm against the heat of mine. I lean my head against his arm and look up to the stars. The last light of the sun fades into night, casting hues of red, blue, and violet across the sky. 

I no longer need to search for love in movies. It speaks to me in a voice so soft, nearly a whisper.

Love is right here in the palm of my hand, pulling me back home. Pulling me to bed where we rest our heads on the pillows, talking until we fall asleep. 

Pulling me into the space where I belong.

let’s go home

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Thank you for reading Connection Crave. My soundtrack for this essay is Soft by Washed Out.