Apr 28, 2023·edited Apr 29, 2023Liked by Rachael Tiss
There's a lot here, Rachael. One highlight is this:
"The education system obstructs a child's capacity to explore and cultivate their unique paths and perspectives. If this persists, how can I best assist my child in navigating a flawed and restrictive system?"
It's strange how that seems the exact opposite of an education's aims, yet there are practical elements of socializing prerequisite to individual flourishing that necessarily temper each of us.
I also like to think of this inquiry from the frame of the inner child who lives on inside us all, apart from literal parenthood.
Love the finish product, Rach. This whole framework of the baggage and its unpacking is very interesting and relatable. The baggage will stay packed, at least a portion of it, as nobody in this world can claim to have a clean, fully unpacked baggage. But life is about acknowledging that and adjusting our direction accordingly. Beautiful piece.
Rachael - a huge heartfelt piece that applies to EVERYONE - for the reasons you express. We are all human - so therefore we accumulate baggage and unfortunately contribute baggage to others.
One primary way our baggage is carried is through the stories running in our subconscious. And as you so aptly point out, we need to become aware of those stories so that we can "choose" new ones that serve us and overwrite the old ones - that do not serve us.
You express this so nicely by way of: "I can't be a mother until I unpack my baggage" = old story, with "So I accept that, throughout motherhood, I can still carry baggage and work to unpack it" = new story!
Last, your story about not being enough resonates so deeply. I'm a reformed "I'm not enough" and "I'm not worthy" -holic (like alcoholic, but not-enough-holic). Just like alcoholics, pouring this poor self talk into ourselves is unhealthy, and downright poisonous to our well-being.
About two decades ago in my mid-30's I became aware of my not enough/unworthy tapes running in my head and took them on bay way of some deep personal work. I didn't just replace them with "I'm enough" or "I'm worthy." I furthered them with new tapes that said "I'm already enough" and "I'm already worthy" - the key being that I didn't want to fall prey to needing to prove to myself that I'm enough/worthy. Part of our identity is built on those old tapes and they will try to stay alive by playing tricks on us - with things like serving up the need for proof!
The new tonic that I ingest from the place of being already enough and worthy fills my well-being. And it makes me a better father - having 12 year old twins now - and having them after I too started the lifelong process of taking out my garbage - ongoingly - just like we do in our physical lives.
And for the record Rachael, my sense of you is that you'll be an amazing mother if you choose - and you'll continue to be an amazing person to the world whether you have kids or not.
After all, you're already enough too.
(My apologies for the long message - your beautiful essay struck a chord!)
Great piece! I enjoyed seeing how you categorized into three topics. This part especially hit me this week ‘Resilience is the strength we gain by overcoming pain, while empathy is the strength we extend to others. Empathy makes our resilience shine.’ 🙏
Aww Rachel, this is indeed very intimate introspection! Love the idea of baggage and the unpacking of it. I'm never as introspective as you, so I appreciate you brought this perspective forward!
This was so full of insight and phrases that hit deep. I’ve had similar thoughts—the difference being the obvious gender expectations. Despite this, I think I’ve come to a similar conclusion...I probably won’t unpack all my baggage. But it’s worth the endeavor.
There's a lot here, Rachael. One highlight is this:
"The education system obstructs a child's capacity to explore and cultivate their unique paths and perspectives. If this persists, how can I best assist my child in navigating a flawed and restrictive system?"
It's strange how that seems the exact opposite of an education's aims, yet there are practical elements of socializing prerequisite to individual flourishing that necessarily temper each of us.
I also like to think of this inquiry from the frame of the inner child who lives on inside us all, apart from literal parenthood.
Great piece!
Love the finish product, Rach. This whole framework of the baggage and its unpacking is very interesting and relatable. The baggage will stay packed, at least a portion of it, as nobody in this world can claim to have a clean, fully unpacked baggage. But life is about acknowledging that and adjusting our direction accordingly. Beautiful piece.
Rachael - a huge heartfelt piece that applies to EVERYONE - for the reasons you express. We are all human - so therefore we accumulate baggage and unfortunately contribute baggage to others.
One primary way our baggage is carried is through the stories running in our subconscious. And as you so aptly point out, we need to become aware of those stories so that we can "choose" new ones that serve us and overwrite the old ones - that do not serve us.
You express this so nicely by way of: "I can't be a mother until I unpack my baggage" = old story, with "So I accept that, throughout motherhood, I can still carry baggage and work to unpack it" = new story!
Last, your story about not being enough resonates so deeply. I'm a reformed "I'm not enough" and "I'm not worthy" -holic (like alcoholic, but not-enough-holic). Just like alcoholics, pouring this poor self talk into ourselves is unhealthy, and downright poisonous to our well-being.
About two decades ago in my mid-30's I became aware of my not enough/unworthy tapes running in my head and took them on bay way of some deep personal work. I didn't just replace them with "I'm enough" or "I'm worthy." I furthered them with new tapes that said "I'm already enough" and "I'm already worthy" - the key being that I didn't want to fall prey to needing to prove to myself that I'm enough/worthy. Part of our identity is built on those old tapes and they will try to stay alive by playing tricks on us - with things like serving up the need for proof!
The new tonic that I ingest from the place of being already enough and worthy fills my well-being. And it makes me a better father - having 12 year old twins now - and having them after I too started the lifelong process of taking out my garbage - ongoingly - just like we do in our physical lives.
And for the record Rachael, my sense of you is that you'll be an amazing mother if you choose - and you'll continue to be an amazing person to the world whether you have kids or not.
After all, you're already enough too.
(My apologies for the long message - your beautiful essay struck a chord!)
James
"I hope to help my child construct their own worldview based on their own experiences." I'm certain you will excel at this!
Great piece! I enjoyed seeing how you categorized into three topics. This part especially hit me this week ‘Resilience is the strength we gain by overcoming pain, while empathy is the strength we extend to others. Empathy makes our resilience shine.’ 🙏
"but I do remember thinking grown-ups are strange."
Umm, I still think grown-ups are strange.
This was lovely, Rachael :)
Thank you for writing & sharing.
Great essay Rach. Definitively developing emotional maturity is a lifelong journey.
Many points resonated with me, especially this one:
"But I must unpack my baggage and hang my dirty laundry out to dry, so the smell of shame and fear can finally evaporate once and for all."
Aww Rachel, this is indeed very intimate introspection! Love the idea of baggage and the unpacking of it. I'm never as introspective as you, so I appreciate you brought this perspective forward!
This was so full of insight and phrases that hit deep. I’ve had similar thoughts—the difference being the obvious gender expectations. Despite this, I think I’ve come to a similar conclusion...I probably won’t unpack all my baggage. But it’s worth the endeavor.