The Graceful Discipline Scale

Coach Yourself, Part 4 - On grace, discipline, & growth

This is Part IV and the Epilogue of my essay series, Coach Yourself.

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I have measured out my life in metrics. 

As a student? Test scores, grades, rankings. 

As an employee? Tips, commission, salary. 

As an athlete? Speed, scores, pounds.

I zoom out and see my life in numbers – like formulas on a spreadsheet calculating my value. The numbers quench my thirst for security. That I’m making the right decisions and living the right way.

The quantitative inputs and outputs are useful to hold ourselves accountable, but if we obsess over them, we fall victim to the metered minutia of our lives. 

As I approach 30, I’m starting to question this approach to life. Yet, I still yearn for progress. So how do I hold myself accountable without anchoring to metrics?

Instead of asking What number do I need to hit to achieve XYZ?, I zoom out and ask What mindset do I need to adopt?

I coach myself according to the Graceful Discipline Scale. 

I recently came up with the concept when reflecting on my personal life and career progress. It’s a privilege to say that life is good right now. Yet, I have and will face setbacks.

The Graceful Discipline Scale enables me to flex between the inner voice I need in the present moment to overcome challenges. 

• Sometimes I need to be tender and hug myself with words: You’re doing just fine.

• Sometimes I need to buck up and push myself: You’re better than this. 

In between the counterbalance of grace and discipline is my flow state, in which I enjoy the process of progress. 

Defining the Spectrums: Grace & Discipline

Grace and Discipline are two friends that show up in hard times. 

Grace is a sense of self-kindness – when one honors their strengths instead of their weaknesses.

When I lost my job during the pandemic, I embraced grace. Don’t be ashamed. Losing your job isn’t a reflection of your worth. You are strong. 

Grace gingerly wipes the blood from your knees. It lifts you up.

Discipline is a sense of self-regulation – when one recognizes their weaknesses to develop their strengths. 

When I aimlessly numbed myself with content binges instead of searching for a new job, I jumped into discipline. C’mon, woman. YouTube won’t make you feel better. You are stronger than this. 

Discipline gives you a swift kick to the butt. It fires you up.

Both are supportive and protective forces that calibrate me on the path I aspire to be on. I need grace and discipline to keep developing and growing. 

Avoiding the Extremes: Delusion & Hatred 

How do you know if you’ve gone too far on either side of the Graceful Discipline scale?

Err too far on the side of grace, and you’ll drown in a state of delusion. When you’re constantly looking through rose-colored glasses, you won’t be able to see when something is harming you. Be honest and admit when things are not okay.

See when you’ve hit the bottom and work on climbing your way out.

Be cautious against the severity and frequency of self-discipline. Discipline is like building muscle. Pull just enough weight through the tension. Recover. Carry too much at once or too often, and you inflict an injury.

Beware of pushing yourself down the cliff into hatred.

These extremities damage our mental health, leading to narcissism or isolation. Neither is conducive to our long-term growth and well-being.

Ground yourself in the center of the scale.   

Converging Grace & Discipline 

The term Graceful Discipline is a juxtaposition, and its siblings exist within its sphere: tough love and persistent reassurance.

Grace and Discipline come together to say You have the strength to keep going.

Wrapping up my Coach Yourself essay series, I’ll leave you with this: 

Look inward and reflect on the lessons that helped you get here. Look outward and see the potential that lies ahead of you. Recognize your strengths and remove the barriers that prevent you from progressing. This is what a good coach does. 

Giving yourself Graceful Discipline is loving yourself.

Fusterlandia in Havana, Cuba

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Thank you for following along with my Coach Yourself series. You can check out Parts I - III for more on mindset & meaning:

• Part 1: Rethinking Success

• Part 2: Rethinking Failure

• Part 3: Finding my Writing Trinity

And special thanks to my writer-friends for their generosity:

Steven Foster

Michelle Varghoose

Silvio Castelletti

Yehudis Milchtein

Oscar Obregon

Tai Quinn Whyte's Weekly Wisdom Newsletter

With gratitude,

Rach