WorkLife Harmony #9

complaining vs. venting, world & self, benefits of doubt

Welcome to the 9th edition of WorkLife Harmony: a newsletter about easing the tension between work, play, and life.

🫖 Top of Mind: Complain or Vent?

The mind is like a tea kettle. Thoughts bubble. Piping hot pressure builds. Suddenly, the mental steam whistles out of your mouth.

I just need to vent.

What’s the difference between complaining and venting?

Many organizations today foster a corporate culture that values feedback. Management literature guides us on the art of giving and receiving feedback with efficacy. However, I wonder if the pervasive influence of social platforms has given each of us a corner of the internet boxing ring to punch out our complaints. A culture of complaining is conflated with a culture of feedback.

Here’s my breakdown of the similarities and differences between complaining & venting:

Complaining, at the extreme, can often feel like an attack or defensive ego dump. It rarely incites trust; it signals a lack of it.

Complainers and Venters seek validation, but the former craves to hear “I think you’re right,” whereas the latter yearns for “I hear you, and I’m here for you.” Venting is a gentler form of vulnerability because the Venter reveals their emotional tender spots instead of insinuating confrontation.

How can we shift from complaining to venting to problem-solving?

Start by expressing your emotions and framing your experience as a challenge to overcome. Then ask your listener a question. 

1. Vent: I’m frustrated because I can’t seem to deliver what my client wants.

2. Problem: Every time my client gives feedback, I iterate and present a new proposal, but they’re still unsatisfied. I know I can rectify this, but I’m stuck. 

3. Question: I’m thinking of scheduling a meeting with my client to recalibrate on this project. How would you approach this discussion if you were in my position?

The Venter demonstrates confident humility¹. She believes in her ability to solve the problem but admits she may not have the right strategy or resources. By revealing her potential blind spots and asking a question, she invites her listener to collaborate on the problem with her.

Venting creates a circle of intimacy between colleagues or friends. Intimacy builds trust, which is critical to decision-making, problem-solving, and connection.

Caveat: Sometimes, someone just needs to vent. And that’s okay. A friend might not be ready to jump into problem-solving. So if you’re on the listening end, assure them, “If you need to vent, I’m here to listen. And if you want to brainstorm, I’m happy to do that too.” 

Don’t let your hot kettle brain boil over. Ask your friend out for tea and vent through the problem together.

🌎 Brain Bites

The “I” Of Your World: My friend Tai Whyte’s Substack is a treasure trove of philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. In his latest piece, Tai shares how our thoughts act as a layer that detaches us from the world. 

“Your thoughts about the world aren't the world itself. They're about you.”

The "I" Of Your World

❓Paradigm Shift: The Benefits of Doubt

I’m reading Adam Grant’s book, Think Again, and his quote about imposter syndrome stuck with me:

“Great thinkers don’t harbor doubts because they’re imposters. They maintain doubts because they know they are partially blind and they’re committed to improving their sight. They don’t boast about how much they know; they marvel at how little they understand.”

Enjoy your weekend!

a reminder to stop and smell the roses

Thank you for reading WorkLife Harmony. Each week, I alternate between posting curations like this one and long-form essays. Next week, I’m writing about the desire to relocate.

1. confident humility: also from Adam Grant’s book, Think Again.